Visit vicaxp's column >>

VICAXPHome Page

peace and chicken grease!
Add To Watchlist
Articles Posted: 141; Links Seeded: 63
Member Since: 10/2006Last Seen: 11/06/2009

NWWN-horoscopes-week ending 9-30-07

News Type: Opinion — Mon Sep 24, 2007 2:49 PM EDT

Just so I could use the hot chicks tag! (photo courtesy of camoss.free.fr/)

Ditto! (photo courtesy of askmen.com)

Okay, one more! (photo courtesy of www.latelanera.com)

advertisement

Aries 3/21 – 4/19 This will be a trying week for you. Pick away at your nose and keep it to the grindstone. You will find a new prescription on life, but it will have side effects. This week keep this in mind: "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet.

Taurus 4/20 – 5/20 This may not be the best week for that high colonic as you are feeling a bit retentive. The best things in life are all too often followed by extremely tiny writing. Belly up to the bar and toss back a few, life will seem better with a buzz. This week keep this in mind: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Gemini 5/21 – 6/21 Keep your eye on the prize but don't trip over your own feet. Your energies can best be focused on sleep. You will be contacted from the beyond about a bill not yet overdue.
This week keep this in mind: "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer.

Cancer 6/22 – 7/22 Your gut will precede you this week, go with it. Your powers of persuasion are at a point of diminishing returns. Don't fly too far under the radar lest the birds of prey poop on you from above. This week keep this in mind: "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock."

Leo 7/23 – 8/22 You will be charged with bunghole bugling this week, stay in tune! Things are churning right now, but will soon pass. A giant bowl-fart is cleansing. This week keep this in mind: "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer.

Virgo 8/23 – 9/22 Everything's coming up dandelions, just don't blow it or things will spread! Listen to the voices in your head. A bowl of pits beats an empty bowl. This week keep this in mind: "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jetski.

Libra 9/23 – 10/22 Piss off will be your rallying cry for the week! Remember being pissed off is better than being pissed on. We aim to please, you aim too, please! This week keep this in mind: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

Scorpio 10/23 – 11/21 You're a jukebox hero! Things appear to be swelling for you right now and others will take notice. Don't be afraid to spring into action when the moment feels right. This week keep this in mind: "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison.

Sagittarius 11/22 – 12/21 Doing something rewarding is reward enough. Keep on keepin' on, but don't miss the forest for the trees. A mixed metaphor will be better shaken than stirred. This week keep this in mind: "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron.

Capricorn 12/22 – 1/19 Many hands makes throwing baby out with the bathwater as easy as pie. Bake at 350F and serve with warm fruit toppings. Follow with a cold glass of goat milk. Enjoy! This week keep this in mind: "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station.

Aquarius 1/20 – 2/18 Life is always worth living, though sometimes we wish those around didn't feel the same. Keep striving for excellence even if you miss the mark horribly. You may never feel like being the anvil, but being the steel may be far worse! This week keep this in mind: "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw.

Pisces 2/19 – 3/20 Beauty is only a light switch away. Go shopping as scarves are making a comeback. It's the little things about you that keep people wanting more…space. This week keep this in mind: "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

Note: All the "This week keep this in mind:" endings were found and improved on from here.

  • 16 Votes
  • Enjoy this article? Help vote it up the 'Vine.

Back To Top

Published to:

Related Articles
A Month With Google Analytics - OR - Why Humanity is DOOMEDNoah BradleyFri Sep 2155Comments
What's this?
Who's leading the conversation?
This visualization below allows you to see the impact that each user has on the current conversation. The top row contains the group of users who have had the most impact, the 2nd row the group of users who have had the 2nd most impact (et cetera). Users with similar impact are grouped together, and the average score of the group is shown to the left of the group. The author of the article is also shown on the left, in their corresponding group. Each user's score is based on the number of comments the user has made plus the number of votes their comments have received. The scores are calculated relative one another, so while their absolute value is not particularly important, their relative difference does indicate a larger difference in impact on the conversation.
13
{"commentId":1049014,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
vicaxp

Gee, I sure hope this one doesnt get too many votes or comments either.

{"commentId":1049014,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
  • 7 votes
Reply#1 - Mon Sep 24, 2007 2:50 PM EDT
{"commentId":1051690,"authorDomain":"Lis"}
Lis

Piss off! That IS my rallying cry.

{"commentId":1051690,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"Lis"}
  • 5 votes
#1.1 - Tue Sep 25, 2007 1:46 PM EDT
{"commentId":1051737,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
vicaxp

LOL, Lis!!

It has to have that Monty Python-esque brogue about it to sound just right though!

{"commentId":1051737,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
  • 3 votes
#1.2 - Tue Sep 25, 2007 2:03 PM EDT
{"commentId":1051757,"authorDomain":"Lis"}
Lis

Ah, then you heard it as I said it. :)
I just got the entire collection of Monty Python DVDs (the television series, that is) as I had never seen basically any of them. And this, I decided, was criminal.

{"commentId":1051757,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"Lis"}
  • 1 vote
#1.3 - Tue Sep 25, 2007 2:11 PM EDT
{"commentId":1051906,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
vicaxp
as I had never seen basically any of them.

Well then, I believe a quote is in order here.

We interrupt this program to annoy you and make things generally irritating.
{"commentId":1051906,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
  • 1 vote
#1.4 - Tue Sep 25, 2007 3:01 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":1049037,"authorDomain":"geejay"}
TheJonesGirl
You may never feel like being the anvil,

I feel like I am one, today :)

(Aquarius)

{"commentId":1049037,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"geejay"}
  • 1 vote
Reply#2 - Mon Sep 24, 2007 2:57 PM EDT
{"commentId":1049060,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
vicaxp

Sorry to hear that TJG! Better than being the steel though!

{"commentId":1049060,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
  • 2 votes
#2.1 - Mon Sep 24, 2007 3:02 PM EDT
{"commentId":1049073,"authorDomain":"geejay"}
TheJonesGirl

Ain't that the truth :)

{"commentId":1049073,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"geejay"}
  • 1 vote
#2.2 - Mon Sep 24, 2007 3:07 PM EDT
{"commentId":1049082,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
vicaxp

You dont like me/my article enough to give me a vote, TJG? Now I feel like the steel!

{"commentId":1049082,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
  • 2 votes
#2.3 - Mon Sep 24, 2007 3:11 PM EDT
{"commentId":1049114,"authorDomain":"geejay"}
TheJonesGirl

Ooops--I thought I had :) Apologies profusely!

{"commentId":1049114,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"geejay"}
  • 1 vote
#2.4 - Mon Sep 24, 2007 3:20 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":1049223,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
Dennis P. McCann

I voted, but I won't comment.

{"commentId":1049223,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
  • 4 votes
Reply#3 - Mon Sep 24, 2007 3:59 PM EDT
{"commentId":1049350,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
vicaxp

Phew! I got worried for a moment that the third photo I added got bumped for an ad?!

thanks for the silent vote, Dennis!

{"commentId":1049350,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
  • 3 votes
#3.1 - Mon Sep 24, 2007 4:41 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":1049380,"authorDomain":"deatienza"}
Eric Atienza
"Do not use orally after using rectally."

Well, that explains that. I guess I should have read this earlier.

{"commentId":1049380,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"deatienza"}
  • 3 votes
Reply#4 - Mon Sep 24, 2007 4:53 PM EDT
{"commentId":1050229,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
vicaxp

You can always tell the difference between oral and rectal if not by the size if the bulb, by the taste!

{"commentId":1050229,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
  • 3 votes
#4.1 - Mon Sep 24, 2007 10:09 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":1050748,"authorDomain":"PalmBeachRealEstateandLoans"}
marcjblasi

Ahhh - just the excuse I need to keep on pickin'....

{"commentId":1050748,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"PalmBeachRealEstateandLoans"}
  • 3 votes
Reply#5 - Tue Sep 25, 2007 5:40 AM EDT
{"commentId":1053864,"authorDomain":"celestina"}
Celestina
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

Gah...I am always forgetting that one. Gotta commit it to memory.

Fantastic, as always, vicaxp. I am getting frightfully dependent on these things to plan my week.

{"commentId":1053864,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"celestina"}
  • 3 votes
Reply#6 - Wed Sep 26, 2007 8:53 AM EDT
{"commentId":1053876,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
vicaxp

Thanks. I just need to remember to start writing sunday so I can get them out there early enough so as not to strand anyone!

{"commentId":1053876,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
  • 2 votes
#6.1 - Wed Sep 26, 2007 9:02 AM EDT
{"commentId":1055145,"authorDomain":"hemphill"}
hemphill

and remember the corrolary "that's not leapable".

{"commentId":1055145,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"hemphill"}
  • 2 votes
#6.2 - Wed Sep 26, 2007 3:39 PM EDT
Reply
{"commentId":1135630,"authorDomain":"mrgeniussir"}
King of Newsvine

How come you have pictures of my girlfriend next to your article?!?

{"commentId":1135630,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"mrgeniussir"}
  • 1 vote
Reply#7 - Sun Oct 28, 2007 1:57 AM EDT
{"commentId":1138959,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
vicaxp

When she posed for me, she didnt mention you...sorry.

{"commentId":1138959,"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104","authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
  • 1 vote
#7.1 - Mon Oct 29, 2007 12:28 PM EDT
Reply
{"canLink":false,"threadId":"154167","isPrivate":false}
Leave a Comment:
You're in Easy Mode. If you prefer, you can use XHTML Mode instead.
Newsvine Privacy Statement
As a new user, you may notice a few temporary content restrictions. Click here for more info.
{"threadId":"154167","contentId":"982104"}
Start TrackingStart Tracking
Stop TrackingStop Tracking
Back To Top | Front Page