Log In | Register
VICAXP
peace and chicken grease!
Articles Posted: 141; Links Seeded: 63
Member Since: 10/2006Last Seen: 11/06/2009
Member Since: 10/2006Last Seen: 11/06/2009
32 Comments
PrintSecret Alcohol Ingredient Discovered! (duh, satire)
News Type: Opinion — Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:40 PM EST
advertisement
In a story that is making headlines all over the world, today scientists in Geneva have uncovered what may be the most tumultuous and disturbing find in the history of humanity. Through exhaustive tests and double and triple blind studies done under close supervision and hands on assistance from the FDA, NAACP, KKK and other support groups that many of the manufacturers of beer seemingly and unbeknownst to the general public have added a super secret ingredient to all of their recipes. This ingredient has contributed to countless crimes, riots, and accounts throughout recorded history of heinous debauchery. That secret ingredient is liquid racism!
This ingredient has been found to have a significant effect on people of low moral values, low self esteem, high self importance, and inbred stupidity. The major beer manufacturers were unavailable for comment at the time of this article's publishing. So to recap, alcohol has been laced with liquid racism for years without the general public having any knowledge. If you feel you have imbibed any of this substance and are feeling these affects, please go to the nearest restroom and stick your finger down your throat or if you have syrup of ipecac follow the instructions on the bottle and that should work as well. If you have any of this substance at home, please dispose of it properly and by all means keep it away from your children!
The future of a tolerant humanity rests in your hands. Please do the right thing!
23 Votes- Enjoy this article? Help vote it up the 'Vine.
Published to:
- vicaxp's Column, All of Newsvine
- Groups: The Drollhouse, Word Play
- Regions: none
- Public Discussion (31)
- Snark OFF! (1)
- The Drollhouse
- Word Play
What's this?
Who's leading the conversation?
This visualization below allows you to see the impact that each user
has on the current conversation.
The top row contains the group of users who have had the most impact, the 2nd
row the group of users who have had the 2nd most impact (et cetera).
Users with similar impact are grouped together, and the average score of the group
is shown to the left of the group. The author of the article is also shown on the
left, in their corresponding group.
Each user's score is based on the number of comments the user has made plus the
number of votes their comments have received. The scores are calculated relative
one another, so while their absolute value is not particularly important, their
relative difference does indicate a larger difference in impact on the conversation.
12
7.2
2.2
{"commentId":390796,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
If only this had come out earlier, think of all the people that might have been helped. (Yea, right!)
{"commentId":390796,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
#1 - Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:43 PM EST{"commentId":390822,"authorDomain":"scientificblog"}
It will be unfortunate if this gets lost in all of the noise on Newsvine today.
{"commentId":390822,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"scientificblog"}
- 1 vote
#2 - Tue Nov 21, 2006 1:00 PM EST{"commentId":390841,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
{"commentId":390881,"authorDomain":"scientificblog"}
No, we wouldn't want this to interfere essential stuff like stuff with evil tasering ( probably Republican ) cops, Bush impeachments, a chance for the left to blow Barack Obama ( again ) and how stupid Republicans on TV are.
{"commentId":390881,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"scientificblog"}
- 2 votes
{"commentId":390939,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
{"commentId":390835,"authorDomain":"jasonford"}
One more good reason not to drink.
{"commentId":390835,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"jasonford"}
- 1 vote
#3 - Tue Nov 21, 2006 1:07 PM EST{"commentId":390842,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
{"commentId":390889,"authorDomain":"koozebane"}
My coined saying for years has been, "instant drama.......just add alcohol."
The racism aspect is a merely the "tip of the iceberg" of a much larger problem.....weak minded morons and strong drink.
An ugly combination in any situation.......unless she wasn't ugly before the twelve pack.
{"commentId":390889,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"koozebane"}
- 2 votes
#4 - Tue Nov 21, 2006 1:43 PM EST{"commentId":391139,"authorDomain":"MissDev"}
Maybe the mass market brewers are adding liquid racism.
But I personally know that the craft brewing industry, especially to spite the mass brews, are replacing the racism and replacing it with pure, unadulterated liquid sarcasm! It just leaves a better aftertaste.
{"commentId":391139,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"MissDev"}
- 2 votes
#5 - Tue Nov 21, 2006 3:50 PM EST{"commentId":391174,"authorDomain":"koozebane"}
Sarcasm is rather tasty.
Although, on occasion, it has a rather ironic tinge to it.
{"commentId":391174,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"koozebane"}
- 3 votes
{"commentId":391165,"authorDomain":"koozebane"}
MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY!
The ID is free! I repeat....THE ID IS FREE!
*monstrous roaring*
*helpless screams of terror*
{"commentId":391165,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"koozebane"}
- 2 votes
#6 - Tue Nov 21, 2006 4:04 PM EST{"commentId":391599,"authorDomain":"tang"}
Please follow the CoH#4 and edit your headline to read "Satire: [headline]". Thank you.
{"commentId":391599,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"tang"}
- 1 vote
#7 - Tue Nov 21, 2006 7:53 PM EST{"commentId":391616,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
{"commentId":391621,"authorDomain":"bluemutiny"}
He adds a note to the bottom of his announcing the fact it is satire and should not be read =P
I think so long as you clearly state that this is a satirical piece, you shouldn't have to put it directly in the heading -- but maybe Calvin and Ansab are having an affair...
Oh, and since Calvin is probably going to read this: Can you add 'Ansab' to the dictionary? ^^
{"commentId":391621,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"bluemutiny"}
- 2 votes
{"commentId":391622,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
{"commentId":391735,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
Publish it to the Satire@Newsvine group, instead of all of Newsvine.
{"commentId":391735,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
- 1 vote
{"commentId":391740,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
{"commentId":391823,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
Yeah, I know. I just suggested it because Satire is my group. I don't agree with it either. Satire with a warning defeats the purpose.
{"commentId":391823,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
- 4 votes
{"commentId":391868,"authorDomain":"MissDev"}
I have to say the "duh - Satire" in the title did give me a giggle. But I agree - as long as it's tagged, I don't see the fuss.
{"commentId":391868,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"MissDev"}
- 2 votes
{"commentId":391875,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
And let's be honest. Would anyone read this article and think it was serious? And if they did, if someone actually believed this, wouldn't that be funny as hell?
{"commentId":391875,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
- 4 votes
{"commentId":391876,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
{"commentId":392215,"authorDomain":"tang"}
Your revision is acceptable.
I think I have this discussion at least once a month.
Please remember that some readers simply skim headlines. If you wrote a satire piece entitled "John Belushi Dies in Florida Drag Race", I'm sure you could craft a quite entertaining piece to go along with it. Problem is, someone out there might actually believe it, or worse, may propagate the myth.
One aim of Newsvine is to develop journalistic integrity among our contributing user base. If we (and by 'we', I mean you guys) are ever to be accepted as a legitimate alternative to traditional media, there has to be a clear division between what is news and what is not news.
Now, I realize that the proper arrangement for this would be for us to have a proper section or designation for satire (and other types of content, such as reviews, etc.), but until we're set up to do this properly, please respect our guidelines.
As far as others 'getting away with it', I'm only one person and there's only so much ground I can cover. I depend on Newsviners to remind each other to follow the CoH. Over the past few days, I've gotten a rising number of complaints about satire pieces. I'm sorry you had to be one of the people I contacted to revise the headline, but you aren't the only one if that's any consolation.
Thank you for accommodating my request, Vicaxp. It's a funny piece, we just don't have a funny section for it yet.
{"commentId":392215,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"tang"}
- 4 votes
{"commentId":392354,"authorDomain":"vicaxp"}
{"commentId":393214,"authorDomain":"wbrianwhite"}
What's wrong with publishing to all of Newsvine?
Seriously, I have no interest in groups whatsoever. Publish to Newsvine if you want the most people to see an article. Anything else will just limit your audience to the same old crowd of 50 or so people.
{"commentId":393214,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"wbrianwhite"}
- 2 votes
{"commentId":393324,"authorDomain":"MissDev"}
Brian - I agree with you about groups - I don't really use them (I guess I don't really 'get' them). But I respect Calvin on this one - until they've set up a satire group, there needs to be a clear line drawn.
Of course, we should also force Trolls to label their pieces thusly...
{"commentId":393324,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"MissDev"}
- 1 vote
{"commentId":393362,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
There is a satire group.
{"commentId":393362,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
- 1 vote
{"commentId":393772,"authorDomain":"tang"}
I think what Dev meant to say was a 'satire section' which we definitely need. Publishing to all of Newsvine is fine, so long as it's clear that the piece is satire (thus the original request). Really, it's our shortcoming for not providing a place for this type of stuff, but something bigger always seems to be on the plate.
{"commentId":393772,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"tang"}
- 1 vote
{"commentId":393784,"authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
Do you really think a satire section is necessary?
The way I see it, if it's political satire - put it in politics. If it's science satire, put it in science. As long as it's marked as satire, or published only to a group, that should be fine, right?
I mean, satire is just a style, not a subject. We don't have, or need, separate sections for essays, editorials, analyses, etc.
Now, what I would really like to see is a "Social Issues" section.
All kinds of articles end up in tech, odd-news, etc. that would fit perfectly into social issues. Stuff about the internet, or marriage, relationships... you get the idea.
{"commentId":393784,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"paperdragon"}
- 1 vote
{"commentId":393956,"authorDomain":"bluemutiny"}
So if the headings aren't misleading, can a small warning be added to the bottom of the piece (or the top respectively)?
{"commentId":393956,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"bluemutiny"}
{"commentId":394254,"authorDomain":"tang"}
Man, I hate being the nitpicker, but the reason we ask you to divulge the nature of articles in the headline (whether it's satire, or a rumor, etc.) is that the headline is the one place people are bound to read... sometimes the headline is all they read!
{"commentId":394254,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"tang"}
- 2 votes
{"commentId":394262,"authorDomain":"thevineofhob"}
The way I see it, if it's political satire - put it in politics. If it's science satire, put it in science. As long as it's marked as satire, or published only to a group, that should be fine, right?
I think Dennis is right there. If by "satire section" you mean something like sports, politics, science, then I think that is very much not needed and would only confuse.
However, I like the idea of allowing my news types, like we already have "News Event" "News Opinion" and "Other". Calvin, I know I've heard you talk up adding more of those, and I think that is where Satire belongs. Maybe for something like satire or rumor (if that is one that is added) there can be an auto warning or something so we don't even need to count on users to remember to give a warning.
{"commentId":394262,"threadId":"56213","contentId":"451354","authorDomain":"thevineofhob"}
{"canLink":false,"threadId":"56213","isPrivate":false}
You're in Easy Mode. If you prefer, you can use XHTML Mode instead. |
As a new user, you may notice a few temporary content restrictions. Click here for more info.
Start Tracking
Stop TrackingCOMPANY STUFF:
LEGAL STUFF:
- © 2005-2009 Newsvine, Inc. |
- Newsvine® is a registered trademark of Newsvine, Inc. |
- Newsvine is a property of
